Whoduggery!
by Belladonna Curse
Summary: Skulduggery and Valkyrie meet The Doctor.
1. Ways to kill vampires

**Hey!**

**This is my first fic, so at least TRY not to laugh at its awfulness. Yes, this is a Doctor Who and Skulduggery Pleasant merge fic, and this has probably been done before, but I don't care, I'm writing it anyway. Welllllllllllllll, it's not so much as a merge, more of a "Let's stuff The Doctor, Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain in a box, shake it, and kick it a bit and see what happens." Yes, it's extremely short, but who cares. If any of you actually do like this, then I will continue with it, otherwise I can't really be bothered. I'M LAZY. DEAL WITH IT.**

**It's set a few months after Death Bringer so DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ UP TO DEATH BRINGER! THERE WILL BE SPOILERS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOU READ THIS, AS I HAVE WARNED YOU! **

**In the Whoniverse time line, (figuratively speaking of course. We all know that time is more like a big ball filled with wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff.) It's set after the end of this series. **

**I'm literally only reading a couple of Skulduggery fics at the moment, so recommendations would be brilliant! I will read them all.**

It was a warm night in Ireland, and for once there were no clouds, and the sky looked as if someone had spilled hundreds of diamonds onto a sheet of soft black velvet. The full moon hung over the sky, watching the night unfold, like it was watching the stars play, and making sure they didn't misbehave. It was a beautiful night, but completely ruined by the pack of ugly, snarling vampires, chasing after their pray.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie sped across the field, and the pack of raging vampires tore after, gaining on the pair way to quickly for even their comfort. There were way too many for them to fight. There were literally _hundreds_ of them. There was no point in even trying to fight, and running was the only sensible thing to do this time around. The trouble was, neither of them were overly sensible. Skulduggery turned and started shooting, Valkyrie sent arrows of darkness, knocking down three vampires at once. A vampire launched itself at Valkyrie, and swiped her cheek. She threw an axe made of shadows with brilliant precision, and its head and hit the ground with a squelch.

Skulduggery started manipulating the air, turning the space in the vampire's lungs to vacuum. Three vampires dropped at once.

"How many are there?" cried Valkyrie, wiping blood off her cheek.

"I don't know." Skulduggery yelled as he punched a Vampire in the face so hard it collapsed. "Three-hundred?"

"We can't do this. There are too many."

"Thank you for that optimistic revelation; it really added untold depths of happiness to my night."

The field was now a sea of gleaming white skin and fangs, and the field was so muddy Valkyrie was glad of the thick tread in her Bespoke boots. Skulduggery cried out as a Vampire bit into his arm. Don't know why it bit a skeleton though, but it did. Skulduggery shoved his hand into its mouth, and summoned a flame. The flame actually _exploded, _and bits of dead vampire flew everywhere, making the skeleton detective laugh with triumph. However, it didn't last long as two vampires jumped on his back, and sent him tumbling. He used the air to fling the Vampire off him, and they landed on top of one off the other vampires. There was still way too many, and it was probably only luck that they hadn't been killed already. He had to get Valkyrie out.

"Valkyrie! We have to leave," He yelled, in-between hitting two vampire in the face.

"No, I'm beating up Vampires, I haven't had this much fun in ages!" she moaned.

"Will you ever do what I tell you to?"

"Probably not. We can't just _leave _three hundred vampires here! Imagine what they could do!"

"We'll come back with a big bomb."

"How big?"

"The _big_ one. The one for special occasions."

"That's alright then," and Valkyrie punched one last vampire, and made her way to Skulduggery. Skulduggery was just about to lift her up, and fly off, when a groaning-whoosh noise filled their ears. They weren't in the field. The vampires were gone, but they both stayed just as ready for battle.

They were in a large room, with walls that shone a golden orange. They were stood on glass, which was held up by metal girders, and the floor was lit with electric blue. There was a large console near them; well Valkyrie assumed it was a console. It looked like something a child had made for their pretend games. A man wearing a bow tie galloped down a set of stairs.

"You can't just materialise on top of people! Not after that time you parked on Lord Nelson's right arm! I will not be responsible for another historical figure losing a limb, how many times do I have to tell you this!" Skulduggery aimed his gun at The Doctor. "Well that's rude."

"Tell me where me and my partner are, right now, or I will shoot." Skulduggery was cool, and calm as always.

"Well, why won't you tell me where you left your face?"

**That's all I got, please review, be truthful (I know it's crap anyway :D), I can take criticism, thanks for reading!**

**Anyway, if I do right more, I'll try and make them longer, but for now, this is it, ta-ra!**


	2. In the TARDIS

**Thanks for the reviews, sorry I took a long time with this, and it's short again, sorry about that too…**

"Well you're human, but you're dead! How does that work! You are a complete animated skeleton!" The Doctor exclaimed, sounding rather impressed. He was probing Skulduggery's skull with his sonic screwdriver.

"What are you doing?" Skulduggery said, clicking the safety pin of his gun.

"Sorry!" The Doctor said, placing the screwdriver in his pocket. "I forget people don't like that. I'm the Doctor by the way."

"Valkyrie Cain," Valkyrie responded, for some reason taking an instant liking to him. It was completely stupid of course, she knew nothing about him. "And my partner, Skulduggery Pleasant."

"Wow, cool names!" The Doctor grinned. "Sorry about all of this, but you're going to have to trust me."

"The thing is, I'm not sure I will." Skulduggery's gun didn't move. The Doctor turned around to, and skipped around the TARDIS console, and pulled random leavers and typed into a typewriter. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to persuade you not to shoot me! Hold on." The TARDIS started to whoosh, and shake, and Valkyrie fought to keep her balance. The Doctor continued playing with the console, and then the shaking stopped. "No open that door and leave if you're not going to put that away."

"Do you know who he is?" Valkyrie whispered to Skulduggery.

"I have no idea," He admitted, and walked towards the door

"And we're just going to leave him here?"

"Valkyrie, we have 300 vampires on the loose."

"Ah yes."

"You are remarkably clever, I have to admit."

"Shut up."

"Why should I? Everything I say is brilliant. Now, we'll have to fly back to the Bentley." Valkyrie nodded, and clambered onto Skulduggery's back. Skulduggery opened the TARDIS door. "Well, I wasn't expecting that." Skulduggery opened the door, and outside was nothing but blackness, and millions of different coloured stars and galaxies. The Earth hung under them.

"Now put that gun away." The Doctor said, standing behind them. Skulduggery put the gun away. "That's better now isn't it? I'm The Doctor. I'm a Timelord from the planet Galifrey, and I travel around space and time. My ship works by materialisation."

"Like a teleport?" Valkyrie interrupted.

"Sort off. And it materialised on top off you two. Sorry. Now, I'm intrigued to how you lost your face. I've lost many things in ball pits, but I haven't lost my face. Yet."

"Do we trust him?" whispered Valkyrie.

"I'm not sure we have a choice," Skulduggery admitted.

"I thought you two'd be a bit more excited about leaving Earth."

"It's not the first time," Valkyrie replied, grinning.

"Oh, right yes… I'll ask that later, now, what happened to your face?"

"I died and I came back." Skulduggery said, bluntly.

"But _how? _That's impossible!"

"Is this possible?" Valkyrie said, summoning a flame. "Magic."

"Magic?"

"Magic."

"Cool! Are there loads of Skeletons then?"

"No, that's what makes me brilliant."

**Thanks for reading, please review and be as truthful as you can.**


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